SHYNESS FEELINGS: the ones where your heart races, your body temperature rises and it feels like your stomach has dropped down to your feet This is the second articles on the topic of SHYNESS being published by this knowledge-sharing PVAF web site for alleviating poverty in humanity through knowledge and education. You can access the first article by clicking here. REAL LIFE STATISTICS ABOUT SHY PEOPLE IN USA: The shy people of the world are the true "silent majority.   More than half of the adults in the United States and many other countries have struggled with shyness in one area of their life or another including   Examples of famous shy people: Barbara Walters, TV News maker Johnny Carson, Actor & Host of TV Talk show Henry Fonda, Actor Former President and Mrs. Jimmy Carter, Farrah Fawcett Majors, Actor Sigourney Weaver, Actor Nicole Kidman, Actor Sally Field, Actor Ella Fitzgerald, Jazz Vocalist with 13 Grammy Awards Gloria Estefan, Cuban Singer-songwriter, author with 5 Grammy Awards  and many many more..... Welcome to the SHY club and know that you're in very good company....They overcame shyness....so can YOU.....     Here is a testimonial from Dr. Renee Gilbert a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and "recovering shy person.":  I say "recovering," because like so shy many people, I've never completely overcome my shyness. Just when I think I've licked it, something comes along to catch me off guard and those old familiar feelings of wanting to hide, dive under a table or run for cover come rushing back. You know the feelings--the ones where your heart races, your body temperature rises and it feels like your stomach has dropped down to your feet. But when they do come back--when I do feel shy, my shyness no longer rules my life--not for long anyway. These days I know I can do something about it. And so can you. You just need to know where to start. Shyness and you:  I'm not going to kid you. It takes time to get over being shy. It took me years. But then again, I didn't have anyone to guide me. I had to learn everything the hard way. But the good news is, the farther along I got, the better I felt. I felt better at the end of year one than I did before I started and better at the end of year two than I did at the end of year one. When you've been living with shyness a lifetime, it's unrealistic to think you can get rid of it overnight. But if you make a commitment to work a program year after year, the results can be dramatic and you don't have to wait until you've finished learning everything there is to know to reap the benefits. Most people notice a difference right from the start. It's just that you don't get "over" being shy all that quickly. As a former guitar teacher, I think about shyness the same way I used to think about learning to play a musical instrument. You don't have to be a virtuoso to learn a few things that sound pretty good and can go a long way toward impressing your friends. And so, too, by learning a few social skills and strategies for handling your anxiety---and in some cases, many of you will experience relief early on. But to truly get over your shyness---know that it takes work, time, commitment and a plan---and it helps to have a little support along the way. When it doubt---heed this message: GET HELP! The help can help! (YOU can get more information on "SHAKE YOUR SHYNESS' from Dr. Renee Gilbert's web site by clicking here. This is not a referral from PVAF but just a internet sourcing help...) YOU can start off by managing your shyness at work and blossom in your career with the tips from the article in Canadian Globe and Mail and from the career consultant Ilise Benun, president of Hoboken, N.J.-based consultancy Marketing Mentor and the author of a new book, "Stop Pushing Me Around"....Just click on the next line.....

MANAGING THE SHY: HELP THEM BLOSSOM A challenge: How to encourage staff who'd rather fly below the radar reach for the top Canadian Globe and Mail: August 4, 2006: WALLACE IMMEN In every organization, there are people who have great ideas but never seem to bring them up in meetings. You know they are capable of more, but they prefer to fly below the radar, rather than reaching for the top. As a manager, your challenge is: How do you help a good worker who is naturally shy to blossom? Tact is the key, says career consultant Ilise Benun, president of Hoboken, N.J.-based consultancy Marketing Mentor and the author of a new book, "Stop Pushing Me Around". "Facing the unknown and being put on the spot are situations that shy people really fear," she says, so it's important to keep the pressure low and not appear to be singling someone out for special treatment. A manager who gives shy employees the space and time to use strategies that work comfortably for them will see them shine, she says. How to help that happen? Here are her suggestions: Make the first move Shy people tend not to reach out because they are afraid of the reaction they will receive, she says. It's important that a manager build rapport with shy employees so that they aren't intimidated to speak up when they need something. Check in with them informally on a regular basis and ask if there is anything they need to help them in their work, Ms. Benun suggests. Don't put them on the spot You don't want to come straight out and say, "I realize you are shy about responding at meetings," which would make a shy person feel conspicuous. Instead, you can send a memo, something like "If it helps, I can get you an early copy of the agenda to help you prepare for the meeting." Let them set the pace Giving shy people a little extra time to prepare reduces their stress. "Shy people tell me they momentarily freeze when the spotlight is put on them and they can't think of anything but their uncertainty," Ms. Benun says. Putting things in writing also helps because shy people don't like to speak extemporaneously in front of a group, she says. A particularly clutch-making situation is the common practice in meetings of going around the table and having everyone report. This makes shy people fear they will be judged against everyone else rather than on their input. To overcome this, Ms. Benun suggests asking people to write out their ideas in advance of the discussion. "This not only makes it easier for shy people to put their thoughts together clearly, but it makes sure everyone gets to contribute."   Listen more Shy people feel unsure of how they're performing. When speaking with them, sit quietly and let them express themselves at their pace, instead oftrying to get them to work or speak at your pace. Use their style Understand your employee's most preferred communication style, and use it. A shy person may feel more comfortable and expansive writing his or her opinion, but reluctant to discuss things in person. If so, use e-mail or memos.   Confirm you understand Shy people appreciate getting acknowledgment that their contributions are important. Ms. Benun suggests the technique of paraphrasing their input. For instance, say "So what you're proposing is. . ." This will not only help to make sure that you do understand, but will also give them an experience of support and trust. Make resources available Shy people can benefit from coaching and membership in trade organizations, where they can discuss their concerns, get practice communicating before a receptive audience and get feedback on their ideas. You could point them in that direction and pay for courses, Ms. Benun suggests. Give regular feedback Don't wait for a big event like an annual performance review. Set time aside regularly to communicate objectives and go over their performance. But don't let their discomfort about communicating get in the way of you setting clear objectives and giving specific feedback about their performance. It's important that they know what's expected. Be aware of signals Pay attention to body language, such as hunching up or looking away, that indicates discomfort. Ease that by offering reassurance and ask for acknowledgment they are taking suggestions as intended. Praise progress "Shyness is a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy," Ms. Benun says. Shy people tell themselves they don't have the confidence and so they can't succeed. The best way you grow confidence is to encourage a person to do something and point out that he or she has succeeded at it. "The next time they confront the same situation, they will realize the reality of doing something is not as scary as their fantasy of it," she says. When the manager's shy What happens when shy people get into management positions themselves? Often, they don't feel comfortable being at that level but may have agreed because they were prodded into accepting by someone who saw their potential. But their fear of dealing with people and making big changes can cripple their whole team, says Ilise Benun, the author of Stop Pushing Me Around. Colleagues who recognize a leader's shyness can help by being mentors, encouraging them in their role wherever possible. It's also smart to remind the leader that he or she is needed at that level of management because of essential knowledge and good ideas, Ms. Benun says. Offer, too, to be available at any time, she adds. It relieves stress for a shy person to have someone understanding to turn to.   Wallace Immen © The Globe and Mail.

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